i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
