Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize