I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
