if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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