Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
please come you make the beer taste better
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
