I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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