I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
