Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
