Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
