i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
