he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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