I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
