did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
