I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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