she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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