I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
