You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize