Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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