I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
