HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
