No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
