ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
