my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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