YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
