...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
