Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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