When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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