his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
