She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
