i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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