I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
