Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
