"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
