Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
