I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
