So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
