I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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