I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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