One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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