I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize