come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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