i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
