Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
