Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
