i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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