God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize