Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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