Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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