as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize