Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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