Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
