He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
