ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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