It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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