Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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