I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
