Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You are a genius and a whore.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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