If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
