he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
