So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
