I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
