I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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