I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
