; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
