Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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