It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
