It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize