Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
