My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
